Stubborn

I find it's always hard to predict what you'll feel like doing at the end of an unexpected 13 hour workday. Are you so exhausted that you go home and crash instantly, only to wake up to go right back to the work you just left? Or maybe you take some time to knock back some beer to numb yourself for a bit?

I had that day yesterday.
I found that I can be a bit rebellious with my time, and I'm not easily willing to give up my day if I don't feel I was able to accomplish anything for myself. So I definitely didn't crash.

Left work at 10PM.
Went home to a few beers and 2 hours of playing guitar. New songs sound great on fresh strings.
I should have gone to bed at that point. But at midnight I started in on my laundry predicament that's been building for some time now.

By 12:30AM I should have gone to bed, I was feeling the drowsiness of the beers. But instead I changed clothes and went running. Under the full moon complete with the strobe illumination of heat lightning, the air felt like it could rain at any second. Instead it only offered the fresh smell of ozone. Finding that much energy, after you think you've expended it all is rejuvinating.

By 1:45AM I was back home and once again should have just laid down and given in. Instead I decided to shave, iron some shirts, and continue with the laundry.

By 2:30AM I was okay with the idea of letting go of the day.
I'm not too tired today, I feel good.

Thought of the Week

Loyalty is clearly an honorable trait.
So it's a shame that loyalty can sometimes be so alienating.

There's not always a bigger picture

I read into things way too much.

When there's something to be read into and I can grasp it, the outcome is usually rewarding and there's that feeling of brilliance. It's the feeling that you're in tune with the subtle insight that wasn't meant for everyone. Like you solved some puzzle.

Then again, when you spend all your time trying to peel apart subtle layers of something that doesn't have subtle layers, you usually end up missing the point entirely and ruining that something, and at that point it can never be pieced back together to the state it originally was.

50/50

Feeling equal parts great and awful.

Stress can do some strange things.
See, last week work had me so stressed that I was unknowingly clenching my jaw so tightly that the muscle locked. I started to feel the effects the day I left for a much needed vacation. The pain is intense, and it prevents me from being able to touch my teeth together on the right side of my face.

So a couple of days into vacation and the pain got easier to deal with as the stress of the job wore off, as I was easing closer to the few weeks where it would work itself out.

But, I get back to work, and within 4 hours I can't touch my teeth together again. It hurts to eat. This has happened to me once before when I was particularly angry at an incident going on in my life. It takes weeks to reverse the pain. It's frightening that my employment is causing it, rather than other factors (such as divorce) that one might think could weigh heavier on a mind.

I'm calm about the divorce. I'm okay with that much, but the stresses of the job?
A bit unreasonable.