You suck! Let's hang out.
So, occasionally (usually a couple times a week) I skim through craigslist. Music gear that people are selling, motorcycles, waverunners, free stuff, trades....I've always done that even before there was a craigslist. I would skim the classifieds on downtime at work since I was 16.
And the best part of the classifieds? The personals.
Craigslist has opened up a new can of eWorms in the way of personals in that they are unedited, completely authored by the person posting, and possibly the saddest collection of single people on the planet. Each post is linked from their 'headline' or 'tagline' for those of us who work in advertising. That line is supposed to be the one that grabs the reader's attention enough to get them to click, and read the rest of the personal add. It's the line that makes them want more.
Or is it?
Good god, these are horrible.
I am willing to hold an instructional class for all of the downtrodden women who post on craigslist looking for love. Why?
Because when was the last time McDonald's tried to entice you into eating a Big Mac by telling you how sloppy and disgusting the last person who ordered one was?
It's like interviewing for a job, and before the interview starts you mention that you need the job because you severely hated your last boss.
If the metaphors aren't working here, lets review some of our most possible "marketing slogans" on here in search of a date, or in the most clueless attempts....gasp...a Long Term Relationship:
JUST LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO BE NICE TO ME -translation- I'm a beaten dog at this point. My standards are so low right now, that I don't even prefer to enjoy your company. I have no need for shared interests at this time, because the last sad sack of inbred cock-disease asshole of a male has me so down on my self-esteem that my next tear shed will surely splash on the state line dividing Ohio and West Lesbiana. My only standards are that you have the ability to look at me and not yell.
TIRED OF PLAYING HEAD GAMES –translation- Did that headline sound like I’m loads of fun? If so, you skimmed it way too fast and only pulled the words RED and HEAD from the incomplete sentence. And yes, life for me does feel like a sentence. I’m miserable and bitter, and I choose to be this way rather than move on and actually let the right relationship happen. Deep down I want this personal ad to fail just like all my previous relationships have, so that I may fuel my bitterness and prove myself right in the ridiculous claim that there are in fact, No good men on the planet.
LOOKING FOR TRUSTWORTHY GOODHEARTED MAN –translation- I chose this headline because I thought “I’ve been cheated on” just wouldn’t pull ‘em in right away. *These women get points for a decidedly less bitter headline, but then lose those points instantly because it gives away the fact that you’re a little older due to the fact that in this internet age, you correctly spelled two three-syllable words in a row. Not to mention the entire phrase seems to scream 'used goods'. Let’s face it...nobody on here is in their first relationship, try a line that says something about you.
LOOKING FOR A KIND FAMILY MAN -translation- I have kids. Not just one, but a few. I’m tired, and could use a little help both with the kids, the cleaning...and probably some of the finances. I realize that this headline kind of skips over the whole giddy ‘where is this relationship heading’ question that adds to the new buzz of dating someone you’re into, but to be honest I just don’t have the time. I’m at the end of my rope and don’t have time for such trivial games. These kids could use a father figure before they dive headfirst into puberty. Thank you. *I can’t really knock the honesty, and someone putting their family above themselves. But again, if you have any self-worth, I recommend that you make the headline about yourself. Give the body paragraph the guts of that family man requirement.
IS THEIR ANY GOOD GUYS? -translation- I is only been teached up ‘till fith grade when I frist met jeremy at that carnival they had set up in walmarts parking lot and he liked me but cheated on me with my old best freind misty and got her nocked up with a baby now they’s livin out in whitehall with his parents and he aint never even home for her.
LOOKING FOR A GOOD CHRISTIAN MAN -translation- I don't have sex.
On the other hand, if these are working for everyone, then I'm the one who needs the lesson. Otherwise, I suggest you find something good about yourself, and the world, and seriously put it out there for people to find if you're actually looking to be found. Respect yourself a little bit more, and instead of trying online dating via headlines that try to inspire pity, why not try one that inspires someone to actually hang out with you because it sounds like a good idea.
I feel bad for those people who are tired of starting over again, but when you almost post verbatim "I am TIRED of starting over again" then my guess is you're not actually ready for that next relationship anyway.
And the best part of the classifieds? The personals.
Craigslist has opened up a new can of eWorms in the way of personals in that they are unedited, completely authored by the person posting, and possibly the saddest collection of single people on the planet. Each post is linked from their 'headline' or 'tagline' for those of us who work in advertising. That line is supposed to be the one that grabs the reader's attention enough to get them to click, and read the rest of the personal add. It's the line that makes them want more.
Or is it?
Good god, these are horrible.
I am willing to hold an instructional class for all of the downtrodden women who post on craigslist looking for love. Why?
Because when was the last time McDonald's tried to entice you into eating a Big Mac by telling you how sloppy and disgusting the last person who ordered one was?
It's like interviewing for a job, and before the interview starts you mention that you need the job because you severely hated your last boss.
If the metaphors aren't working here, lets review some of our most possible "marketing slogans" on here in search of a date, or in the most clueless attempts....gasp...a Long Term Relationship:
JUST LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO BE NICE TO ME -translation- I'm a beaten dog at this point. My standards are so low right now, that I don't even prefer to enjoy your company. I have no need for shared interests at this time, because the last sad sack of inbred cock-disease asshole of a male has me so down on my self-esteem that my next tear shed will surely splash on the state line dividing Ohio and West Lesbiana. My only standards are that you have the ability to look at me and not yell.
TIRED OF PLAYING HEAD GAMES –translation- Did that headline sound like I’m loads of fun? If so, you skimmed it way too fast and only pulled the words RED and HEAD from the incomplete sentence. And yes, life for me does feel like a sentence. I’m miserable and bitter, and I choose to be this way rather than move on and actually let the right relationship happen. Deep down I want this personal ad to fail just like all my previous relationships have, so that I may fuel my bitterness and prove myself right in the ridiculous claim that there are in fact, No good men on the planet.
LOOKING FOR TRUSTWORTHY GOODHEARTED MAN –translation- I chose this headline because I thought “I’ve been cheated on” just wouldn’t pull ‘em in right away. *These women get points for a decidedly less bitter headline, but then lose those points instantly because it gives away the fact that you’re a little older due to the fact that in this internet age, you correctly spelled two three-syllable words in a row. Not to mention the entire phrase seems to scream 'used goods'. Let’s face it...nobody on here is in their first relationship, try a line that says something about you.
LOOKING FOR A KIND FAMILY MAN -translation- I have kids. Not just one, but a few. I’m tired, and could use a little help both with the kids, the cleaning...and probably some of the finances. I realize that this headline kind of skips over the whole giddy ‘where is this relationship heading’ question that adds to the new buzz of dating someone you’re into, but to be honest I just don’t have the time. I’m at the end of my rope and don’t have time for such trivial games. These kids could use a father figure before they dive headfirst into puberty. Thank you. *I can’t really knock the honesty, and someone putting their family above themselves. But again, if you have any self-worth, I recommend that you make the headline about yourself. Give the body paragraph the guts of that family man requirement.
IS THEIR ANY GOOD GUYS? -translation- I is only been teached up ‘till fith grade when I frist met jeremy at that carnival they had set up in walmarts parking lot and he liked me but cheated on me with my old best freind misty and got her nocked up with a baby now they’s livin out in whitehall with his parents and he aint never even home for her.
LOOKING FOR A GOOD CHRISTIAN MAN -translation- I don't have sex.
On the other hand, if these are working for everyone, then I'm the one who needs the lesson. Otherwise, I suggest you find something good about yourself, and the world, and seriously put it out there for people to find if you're actually looking to be found. Respect yourself a little bit more, and instead of trying online dating via headlines that try to inspire pity, why not try one that inspires someone to actually hang out with you because it sounds like a good idea.
I feel bad for those people who are tired of starting over again, but when you almost post verbatim "I am TIRED of starting over again" then my guess is you're not actually ready for that next relationship anyway.
posted by Charles Junk at 7:18 AM
3 Comments:
hahahaha. that's all. :D
I rilly miss Jermy and those Walmart festivuls. Those were the dayz.
LOL
OMG
OMFG
BFD
!!
Here's one you missed: define this:
I aint nuttin but a golddigger - w4m - 30 (downtown)
So me and my cool chic friend are ready for you and your buddy to take us out for dinner and dancing. I can't promise you a blowjob but it will make for an interesting evening...
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